In Honor Of My Husband

Our house is so quiet now that you're gone.
I walk silently through the hallways
Expecting to see you but knowing that I won't.
I talk to you but I can't hear your voice.

I miss you.
Your beautiful face, the one I fell in love with so many years ago,
Your touch, the one that excited and warmed me.
We loved each other so deeply,
I don't doubt that you can hear me even now. 
I see you in my mind,
I feel the whisper of your touch.

I wanted just a few more minutes with you before you left.
I wanted to tell you that I loved you just one more time.
Even though we knew that final day was near,
It came as a shock when at last you let go.
I will remember that day always.
You were having trouble speaking
And I was tearfully attending you,
But you looked me in the eye, smiled, and gently stroked my arm.
I can't remember if I told you that I loved you that day, but you knew.

Steve, you are gone from this world,
But you live forever in my heart.
Wait for me.
One day we will be together again eternally.

__________________________________________

Steve Lawson - 1/28/46 to 08/14/16

Dreamscape

What happens when we sleep, when we dream? Are our minds unraveling our waking issues? Fantasizing about what could be? It feels so real when these images visit us. Our bodies rest but I think our minds never do. Sometimes I believe I've had no dreams but then my husband will ask me what I was dreaming about because I was kicking, swatting, mumbling, giggling, or screaming. Does that happen to you? 

My poem was inspired by Mary Oliver's poem, "Sleeping In The Forest".

Dreamscape

Most nights
I dream silently
Not remembering them
When I wake.

My mind must be working though
Even when my eyes are closed.
I wake up with fingers and hair caught in knots
From twisting and twirling them in anxiety.

At times my heart wakes me up
It's beating so fast, 
It scares me.

I'm hot, I'm cold,
I turn from side to side.
One pillow, two pillows
Blanket or not.

Like the sleeping beauty princess
Who feels the pea under a mountain of mattresses,
Or Goldylocks 
Who has to try everything
To find what's just right.

Will my mind 
Just rest peacefully tonight
Before I lose my hair and my mind?

"Relax" I tell myself.
There's no monster under the bed
Nor in my head.

Or is there?

Coffee, Tea, and Me

Coffee and tea are simple pleasures. Savored slowly or gulped down to charge up for the day, dark roasted or English breakfast, served hot or cold, a cup of this can amp us up or soothe our minds for a while. Here's my take on this treat:

Coffee, Tea, and Me

Coffee shared with a friend,
Both are warming to the core.

Hair-sticking-straight-up strong
Or a rich and creamy delight,
We add a pinch of sugar
To sweeten the pot.

We nibble crunchy croissants
Freshly baked and sinful,
Our heads nearly touching
As we share our gossip and news.

Giggling and grasping each others hands,
We pour another cup of vaporous brew.

Whether in gladness or sadness,
Silly or triumphant,
Or just letting off some steam,
I can always count on pleasures
From my coffee, tea, and you, 
           My friend.

I Can See You Clearly

At some point, most people will need glasses to see better. Maybe just for reading, maybe for nighttime driving, or perhaps to see the world in crisp focus at all times. How wonderful to have this simple tool to bring clarity to our lives!

My creative writing class used a table of eyeglasses as its prompt. This is what I "saw"...

I CAN SEE YOU CLEARLY

Whether nearsighted

Or farsighted,

I can see you clearly.

Tortoise shell

or wire framed,

Your face is always just right.

Dark tint, no tint,

Bifocal or monocle,

You are always in focus.

I may misplace my glasses,

I might sit on and break them,

But you are never forgotten,

Seemingly indestructible.

Right in front of my face,

Always on my mind,

Like my favorite eyeglasses,

I can see you clearly.

The Master Plan

The Master Plan

Time is marked by moments of happiness.
I say "moments" as life is not a continuum of joy and peace.

Thankfully not.

For, if our time here were only gentle and awesome,
We would never want to leave
For the Kingdom above.

Why should we if we have heaven on earth?
That is not the Master plan.

We are to know sorrow at times,
To suffer down deep,
In order that we may trust in relief,
Be consoled by faith,
Give thanks at all times.

Without sadness we cannot have gladness.
Thankfully so!

Treasures Of The Heart

Hearts are the life force of all beings. It ensures that the body gets what it needs to survive. It can fail at times, both physically and spiritually. We should do what we can to feed it in order that we may be healthy and strong.

This poem was inspired by a grouping of lacquered boxes.

Treasures Of The Heart

Like a small box,
My heart holds secrets and shame,
Pride and purpose,
Light and love.

As with a key
I keep some of what is stored inside locked away.
It's just between God and me.

There are drawers that slide open with ease
Ready to release the laughter and joy,
The sorrow and sympathy, 
The anger and confusion.

With felt-lined pockets
I lay my soul within.
It is safe here.
I have room enough for you.

Life - What A Party!

It can be difficult to feel hopeful when there is a great loss. Sorrow and pain are natural in life. We are not alone. After a time, we must stand again and let go of the grief because there is so much more to cherish and celebrate before and ahead. As Dolly Parton said, "If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain".

My poem was inspired by Joan Fleming's poem "The Party", included in Ann Hisle's book, "My House Burned Down and Now I Can See the Stars". Her book is about life's losses and finding hope and inspiration. 


Life.
What a party!

It's an event we often forget to celebrate.

Instead of shuffling our feet,
Keeping our heads down low
And shoulders bent over with pain,
We should be dancing in the streets
With our faces pointed towards the sky.

Let's give thanks!
Live without regrets,
Forget our failures,
Let go the woes,
Release the tension,
Unbind what ties.
It's only in our heads.

Strut your stuff,
Wear your finest,
Laugh whenever you can.

Act a fool
And ignore the naysayers -
They're not having fun.

It's your LIFE!
How will you spend it?
What time will you have?

I say - party on!

Dig Deep

Inspired by Mary Oliver's poem, "When I Am Among the Trees"

Dig Deep

It is said that a tree whose roots are deep
Never the wind will fell.

I need to know how deep is deep?
There are times I feel my soul is
Ready to snap, 
Ready to break.

Wouldn't it be simpler just to lay down?
Let pain and sorrow breeze right over me?

How much can I take?
How far must I bend?

Not a mighty oak but a weeping willow.
Deciduous not evergreen.

I will tell myself, "Keep growing, dig deep".

I Always Have

My husband has had various kinds of cancers for many years. He is incredibly resilient and masterful in this battle. I admire him and adore him. Even still, cancer sucks. Together we are soldiering through this period in our lives, leaning on hope and each other.

This poem is inspired by Naomi Shihab Nye's poem, "Kindness".

Look no further,

Look no longer,

     I am with you---

     I always have.

Let me lift you,

Let me kiss you,

     I do love you---

     I always have.  

Little time,

Little pleasures,

     I so thank you---

     I always have.

Life's Badges

Old age is for the lucky who make it there. Our outer appearance changes, we may forget where we put our keys, or mismatch our clothes. But the inner soul remains youthful and eager to proceed in life. 

My poem was inspired by Asian wooden figurines, one being an old man stooped over but looking to be walking on a path.


Life's Badges

My spine is curved forward
And I walk with a cane.

My beard is white
And my head bears no hair.

My teeth are false
And my eyes are a blur.

At times my hands tremble,
My mind draws a blank.

I don't sleep through the night,
But nap in the day.

I can remember being a child
As if it were yesterday,
But today I have trouble recalling your name.

These are the badges
I've earned with my age.

I'm old but not broken,
A little tattered and worn.

My time in this body
May be drawing to end,
But I cherish where it has taken me.

This is a gift.
What a wonderful life!

Stuck On You

Life hurts sometimes. It may be a physical, emotional, or spiritual "boo-boo" but these can be healed and made new again. We are fantastic beings!

My poem was inspired by a box of band-aids.

Stuck On You

Like a band-aid,
I'm stuck on you.

I will do my best to protect you from further harm,
Keep you safe, keep you warm.

I will guard over you,
Stand by you,
And never let you fall.

With so many things that can get under your skin,
So many things that can go wrong,
I will stick with you, my love.
Nothing dare pull us apart.

Count on me, 
Trust in me,
I've got you covered.
________________________________________

Everyday, it seems like there's something to report, 
a new sympton, ache or problem. So many troubles visited on a single soul. I am deeply troubled and sorrowful for you. I wish that our lives were different today, that there were more of the yesterdays, that a simple band-aid would patch the pain. I hate to see you suffer. 

Come what may, together we can.

Beautiful Daffodils

Winter here in California is wet and cold. No, not a brutal cold like in other states but I am a winter wimp and long for warmer seasons. Thankfully, spring is just around the corner! I finger my sundresses and sandals in anticipation of what is yet to come.

The following poem I wrote when inspired by daffodils I saw in a vase.

With seasons changing

Cold weather to warm,

Birds are chirping, bees are buzzing,

And daffodils raise their heads.

Oh, beautiful daffodil!

You have so much to teach us.

With your bright yellow color

And ruffled collar,

We learn to be playful with cheer.

Your golden petals reach out in joy,

A show of pride and peace.

Like spears of sunshine on stalks of green,

You exemplify strength and passion.

Oh, beautiful daffodil!

Let me one day be as you are,

Hopeful, magnificent, glorious!

I Know Her

Oftentimes we forget to check-in with that one person that has been with us the longest, ourselves. We may ignore that small, gentle voice who reminds us to get enough sleep, eat regularly, be nice at all times. That screaming inner speaker that warns us against dangerous situations or decisions. Listen up! You are your own best friend, through thick and thin. Be there for you...and be nice.

Inspired by Derek Walcott's poem - "Love After Love"

Who will be my cheerleader,

My constant companion,

The one who knows me best?

Who can tear me down,

Criticize, belittle, and berate me in an instant,

And is first to console, cajole, and care in the next?

Who thinks I am the wittiest, the most fabulous,

The fairest, the most correct,

The really kindest?

Who knows when I'm lying through my teeth

But understands the need to hide the truth at times?

I pause to look in a mirror.

I know her.

It is me.

Sifting Sands

I love the beach! I went to college to be near one, I currently live near the Pacific ocean, and I try to vacation to one as often as possible. There's just something so beautiful in the sound of the waves and watching the ever changing shoreline. Mother Nature at her best!

The picture below is one I took while visiting Hawaii. This poem was inspired by a tropical beach painting.

 

Sifting sands, shifting shores,
Swaying palm trees, gentle breezes,
Blossoms scent the air.

Sunny days and moonlit nights,
Soft rains, thunderous waves,
Creatures creep on branch and shell.

Ukulele's and Haleakala,
Pineapples and plumeria,
Swinging hips and ancient culture,

Aloha islands call to me.

I Meant To Do That

Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Looking back on my life, there are times in which I would loved to have been able to hit a reset button so that I could do some things over again, better this time. If I knew then what I know now and could "do-over" certain decisions, wouldn't I be a better person today? Nah. I like where I am in life, what I've made of it so far. I own it and grow wiser each day.

This poem was inspired by a penguin toy that said "Oops! I meant to do that!".

      I meant to do that.

To follow my dreams,

Put the past behind me,

Forgive others and myself.

To smile no matter what,

Bring joy to others,

And not give in to fear.

To sing out loud,

Dance at will,

Find humor all around.

To be the best parent,

Best friend to my husband,

A sister to my friends.

     I meant to do that.

Instead, I find I'm coming up short.

At times, I fear my future,

I cry inside,

Forgiving is an art.

I walk on, knowing I am not alone on this journey.

My faith unshaken

With time, with practice, with you.

I'm becoming a better gift.

     I meant to do that.

The Art of Kokedama

 Kokedama what?

What the heck is a Kokedama? I'm glad you asked! 
Kokedama is a style of Japanese bonsai made by taking a small plant and putting it into a ball of special soil held together with moss and string. The art of Kokedama literally translates from “koke” meaning moss and “dama” meaning ball. 

I made one of these beauties at a recent Cancer Support Community workshop given by Patrice Hanlon, a therapeutic garden designer. She gave the class a brief history of this living art form and then gave us the materials to create our own Kokedama to take home.

My plant is settled into a ball of soil then wrapped in a comfy wet burlap blanket. This helps keep the plant damp and the soil from falling apart.

Next, moss is folded up around the burlap and secured with wire or string. The moss is another layer of insulation and keeps the plant happy.

My finished Kokedama! 



These would be lovely hanging over a porch, on a decorative plate, or put inside of a nice bowl.

Here are a few more made by others in the workshop... 

To make one of your own, browse through YouTube videos. I found a short-but-sweet video made by Better Homes and Gardens. 

Enjoy your Kokedama!

Starting Here, Starting Now

Life can be described as a journey, a roller coaster ride, an opportunity to make choices and to live and learn by them. No matter what you call it, I'm glad to be a part of this miracle. I hope the road is long.

This poem was inspired by William Stafford's poem, "You Reading This, Be Ready"

Starting here, starting now,
Forgive the past, praise the present,
Look ahead with hope and wonder.

I am here, in the now,
Trying to let go, trying to let God.

No easy task. I've never lived today before.

But, starting here, starting now,
I renew my faith 

And trust that there is a plan for my life
For today, I am the best I can be.

Bottles of Glass

People come in all varieties. Thank goodness! It's what makes us unique and the world wonderful! How boring would it be if we, or anything in life for that matter, were cookie cutter images? 

I've written this piece based on a table of various decorative bottles in my writing workshop.

Bottles of Glass

We are all like bottles of glass.
Thick or thin, tall or small,
Always fragile.

We are vessels, built to hold precious gifts,
Made with love from our Creator's hands.

Colored or clear, etched with time and touch,
Light shines through us when held to the light.

Standing together or sitting alone
We make a statement -
We are eye catching, bright,
Important and loved.

So, fragile, yes, but knowing joy
When held and adored.

I Feel Like a Tea Bag

I've taken up writing on a regular basis because of a writers group I participate in through the Cancer Support Community. My husband has cancer and we were looking for a support organization to help us along this journey. We found the CSC and we couldn't be happier - such a wonderful wealth of resources, workshops, and new friends in the same boat. In the writers group, we are given prompts to stir up our stories, reflections, or whatever comes to mind. This first one was inspired by a cup of tea I was drinking during the class.

I feel like a tea bag.

Sometimes hot, sometimes cold.
Sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet.

I can burn you, I can soothe you.
I can energize you, I can help you to sleep.

As on a string, I bob along,
Dancing in steaming water,
Trying to do my job,
Trying not to be spat out.

Take comfort in me.
Let me flow through you.
I am here for you when you need me.

Today is a good day for tea...

     For me.